Forever Boy: A Mother's Memoir of Autism and Finding Joy

Forever Boy: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism and Finding Joy by Kate Swenson 288 pages

Expectant mothers and fathers never dream of a special needs child. It makes it even more difficult when a complete diagnosis cannot be given until their child is at least two years old.

When author Kate Swenson gave birth to her first child, Cooper, she knew something was wrong. He made little noise, and as he never reached the milestones that other children did. Although she was convinced that something was horribly wrong, what she read on the internet did not align with what she knew.

Loving Cooper was easy. He was a sweet little boy, no trouble, with a head of golden hair. He did communicate, in his way.

Cooper was finally diagnosed with severe, non-verbal autism. Kate and her husband were immediately relived and scared. Relieved that they weren’t making things up. Now that they knew, they could work toward making Cooper’s life as fulfilling as possible. It just wouldn’t be in the ways they imagined during their pregnancy.

At first, I thought this might be a hard book to read, and in some ways it was. But as Karen “found joy,” in her son, she let go of all the negativity that she experienced. Turns out, having a child with severe special needs can be a blessing. A parent might have to look for it, look really, really, hard, but it can be found.

I found Karen and Cooper’s story uplifting. “Forever Boy: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism and Finding Joy” receives 4 out of 5 stars in Julie’s world.

 

Childfree by Choice The Movement Redefining Family and Creating A New Age of Independence

Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence
by Amy Blackstone    279 pages

The author, a professor of sociology, has been studying the childfree choice from 2008, and is a nationally recognized expert on the childfree choice.  She draws upon research and anecdotes, including examples from her own life, to explore this choice. As the book description states, "As a childfree woman, Dr. Amy Blackstone is no stranger to a wide range of negative responses when she informs people she doesn't have--nor does she want--kids: confused looks, patronizing quips, thinly veiled pity, even outright scorn and condemnation. But she is not alone in opting out when it comes to children. More people than ever are choosing to forgo parenthood, and openly discussing a choice that's still often perceived as taboo. Yet this choice, and its effects personally and culturally, are still often misunderstood."

I found this to be an interesting book that made me reflect on many things, and which led to some interesting conversations with my husband.  I think this is a book that would generate some good discussions between many people, and for some, help them understand choices that others make.  I appreciated that Blackstone explored this subject without feeling like she was pushing an agenda. Instead, it's explanation, exploration and rumination with no judgment.  Good read.

Small Animals: Parenthood in the Age of Fear

Small Animals: Parenthood in the Age of Fear by Kim Brooks  242 pages

"One morning, Kim Brooks made a split-second decision to leave her four-year old son in the car while she ran into a store. What happened would consume the next several years of her life and spur her to investigate the broader role America's culture of fear plays in parenthood. In Small Animals, Brooks asks, Of all the emotions inherent in parenting, is there any more universal or profound than fear? Why have our notions of what it means to be a good parent changed so radically? In what ways do these changes impact the lives of parents, children, and the structure of society at large? And what, in the end, does the rise of fearful parenting tell us about ourselves?"

I remember reading about Kim Brooks, and then I read an essay by Kim Brooks. I do not have children, but I found this to be a pretty fascinating book.  Like some people I talk to, when we share stories about our childhoods, we marvel at how children these days would never be allowed to do what we did.  For example, I would get out of the house in the morning, go ride my bike over to a friend's house and then spend most of the day outside, riding around or going to a local creek to sit and read (and yes, wade through the very shallow water).  I would also go out in the afternoon, exploring on my own, knowing to listen for the ringing of the school bell my mom used to call me home (and knowing there was hell to pay if I was late and said I couldn't hear that bell).  Granted, I grew up in a small town.  However, by the time I was 10, I was able to go into Chicago with my father and then spend an hour or two by myself, going to Marshall Field's or the Art Institute or Kroch's & Brentano's bookstore (or just walking around downtown Chicago looking at the beautiful buildings).  I can't imagine any of these things being possible for my 10-year-old nephew.

While I can't say I agree with everything that Brooks writes, I found her story and her research to be very interesting. The book is described as "Part memoir, part history, part documentary, part impassioned manifesto..." on Goodreads and I would agree with that. 

Man vs. Baby

Man vs. Baby by Matt Coyne    288 pages

Although I don't have children, I sometimes enjoy reading parenting memoirs (especially because I can gain a little insight into my niece and nephew).  I had read a review of this book and it sounded so funny that I couldn't pass it up.  In September 2015, Matt Coyne's partner Lyns gave birth to their first child, Charlie. One night, three months later, in the stupor of sleep deprivation, Matt stumbled to his PC and wrote a post on Facebook . . . which promptly went viral.

This is the kind of parenting book that is funny, but definitely full of truths about how hard it is for new parents. Matt reveals his experiences of having his and Lyns' lives turned upside down by, as he puts it, "a furious, sleep-murdering, unstable and incontinent, breast-obsessed midget lodger". 

I laughed out loud several times when I was reading this book and really enjoyed how honest Matt is.  Definitely a book I'd consider handing to new parents-to-be before the baby arrives.  

Ignore It!

Ignore It! by Catherine Pearlman, 256 pages

“This book teaches frustrated, stressed-out parents that selectively ignoring certain behaviors can actually inspire positive changes in their kids.  With all the whining, complaining, begging, and negotiating, parenting can seem more like a chore than a pleasure. Dr. Catherine Pearlman, syndicated columnist and one of America's leading parenting experts, has a simple yet revolutionary solution: Ignore It!  Dr. Pearlman's four-step process returns the joy to child rearing. Combining highly effective strategies with time-tested approaches, she teaches parents when to selectively look the other way to withdraw reinforcement for undesirable behaviors. Too often we find ourselves bargaining, debating, arguing and pleading with kids. Instead of improved behavior parents are ensuring that the behavior will not only continue but often get worse. When children receive no attention or reward for misbehavior, they realize their ways of acting are ineffective and cease doing it. Using proven strategies supported by research, this book shows parents how to: - Avoid engaging in a power struggle - Stop using attention as a reward for misbehavior - Use effective behavior modification techniques to diminish and often eliminate problem behaviors Overflowing with wisdom, tips, scenarios, frequently asked questions, and a lot of encouragement, Ignore It! is the parenting program that promises to return bliss to the lives of exasperated parents.”  This was interesting.  I can definitely see how the technique would work with kids and I’d be curious to know how well it worked if anyone I knew personally was using it with their kids.

Gummi Bears Should Not be Organic

Gummi Bears Should Not be Organic by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, 256 pages

When I saw this book come through the bestsellers, with its bright red gummi bear on the cover, I knew I had to read it. Unfortunately this book went downhill from there. I suppose if I would have read the back cover I would have known that most, if not all of the book would be about parenting. But I didn't and therefore was somewhat disappointed. I also thought that for a comedy book, it was not all that funny. Sure there were a couple lines that I chuckled at but nothing that really made me want to read more.

For those that are curious about the book I can sum it up for you. Raise your kids in what ever way makes them into functioning adults. There I just saved you a couple hours of reading. Though in all fairness maybe this book is more interesting to those that actually have kids...

ADHD Does Not Exist by Richard Saul

ADHD Does Not Exist by Richard Saul, 336p.

Instead of prescribing stimulants, the author suggests doctors consider these other diagnosis instead: vision and hearing problems, various psychiatric disorders, fetal alcohol syndrome, sensory integration disorder and fragile X.  While he is very critical of the DMS's treatment of ADHD, he feels it works fine to diagnose Tourette's, bipolar disorder and depression in kids.  Towards the end, he briefly goes into other causes, like prematurity.  At the very end, he suggests that sometimes, this is just a stage and coping therapies are the best bet.  He does not think there's enough evidence to show sugar and/or artificial additives cause a spike in ADHD symptoms.  And he does not even address the theory that Gluten sensitivity could play a role in decreasing focus.

I found this an informative overview of the history and treatment of ADHD, and the mainstream medical advice was helpful.