"Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen." (courtesy of Goodreads)
I had read Ellis' book of short stories, American Housewife -- which I really enjoyed and also really enjoyed as an audiobook. So, I had been eagerly anticipating this book of essays by Ellis. And, I was not disappointed --- I thoroughly enjoyed this book.
From the Goodreads summary, you might get the impression that all of the essays are humorous, but that's not true --- there's one, in particular, about Ellis' decision to be child-free (which you can read here, as well), which I found very thoughtful and serious. However, I also laughed out loud a few times when reading this book. In fact, at one point, I laughed so hard that I just sat with the book on my lap and snorted with laughter --- which made my husband come up from downstairs, where he heard me over the noise of the hockey game he was watching, to ask me what was so funny.
I know you want to know what was so funny ---- it was Ellis' description of how she came home to a remodeling project and discovered one of the workers masturbating in a room, behind an open door. Ellis wrote that at first, she thought the guy was doing something connected to "Die Hard," the Bruce Willis movie, and she was tempted to jump into the room, screaming, "Yippee Ki-Yay, Mother.....r!!" And then realized there was a sound "like an otter trapped in a pickle jar," coming from the room.... so she did not do anything but silently walked away (and then notified the worker's boss). Just the idea of her popping into the room screaming that line from Die Hard made me laugh --- but the sentence about "an otter trapped in a pickle jar" put me over the edge.
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