An enlightening look at the psychological faces of affairs from just about every side imaginable. The author connects on very deep emotional levels with all of the people the reader is introduced to in this book. She learns what each person has endured in the life to make them the person they are at the time she is counselling or interviewing them. She explores what makes a person tick as much as she explores the many causes leading to people who are involved in romantic liaisons already to seek outside "strange." Sometimes it is about the motivation that comes from simply being appreciated or the flattering way another person finds them attractive or the appreciation another shows for the struggle the person is going through or appreciates the person for who they are at that moment without any expectation for them to change or be other in any way. Sometimes it is based on lust - this person is hot looking or acting, they seem sexually open to advances or are the giver of the advances knowing the other person is married or in a committed relationship but still offering coitus with no strings or expectations for more. Sometimes a person's significant other has become unresponsive or is not interested in exploring fantasies or trying anything new and the same old way just isn't working anymore. Reasons can be emotional, psychological or raw sexual connections, they can be short lived or long term. There can be no emotion at all or there can be real love relations that develop. The reasons are as numerous as the scenarios. Basically any one given the right set of circumstances might be tempted to step out on their partner, some more than others. The definition of "stepping out" or the more severe "cheating" can be defined in many terms as well. Many people do not feel watching and interacting with porn or online chats, or online sexual encounters really count as the other person is "not actually there' and the encounter is all in the initiators mind. However the partner walking in and observing this act going on generally feels differently about that. If a relationship is open but one person seeks other partners more often than the other which can lead to jealous or hurt feelings on the less active partner - where do you draw the line? Do you agree to wait until both have someone else so it stays even? Partners who have been loving and supportive believing their arrangement to be monogomous only to be told one day the other partner found someone else and wants out can devastate the unwitting other half. The author explores all relationships friends, lovers, friends with benefits, marriage, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, straight, transgender, swingers, mongomous, polyogomous you name it. Reasons are explored as to why it happens, how it happens, how to rekindle love that got lost along the way, how to get a relationship back on track and how to let go when it is time. She talks about many of the cases she has studied and worked with in her career and the counselling sessions and feedback she has received from all parties involved those in the relationship and those affected by the relationship (children, family members/in-laws, friend of the couple who now have to choose who to stay friends with or how to work out an amiable relationship with both the couple and their new additions, etc.). She also explores how sometimes an affair brings an added joie de vivre to a less than exciting relationship. One couple renewed their excitement for each other because what their relationship lacked the wife was able to find with other lovers then return to her husband recharged and happy making their relationship better. It is all in how the couple or unit is able to cope or not in how forgiveness can be found and amiable relations can be restored or at least amicable separations can be achieved - best case or counselling can be sought by those left in the lurch searching for reasons they are left behind and the love of their life chose another while they struggle with building their life as a single person. The promise of forever or till death do you part is not always easy to keep especially if one person feels they are carrying the relationship or living without love from the other person in the relationship. Disrespect, lack of love, incompatibility, free-spirits and conservatives, over active libidos teamed with underactive libidos so many reasons can lead to infidelity and the author deals with each of them in such knowledgeable ways. This is a very interesting read and I recommend it as a well rounded look at the many facets of relationships and the ways relationships can change and outcomes can be positive or negative depending on what all parties are willing to give up, give in or compromise on to make them work or to get on with life and not let one bad relationship regardless of what has been put in to it keep anyone from moving forward. Very well done. No shaming, no blaming just a no nonsense look at the reality of life and love and sometimes loss of love. Well done.
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