Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward

Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward by Gemma Hartley 272 pages

"Day in, day out, women anticipate and manage the needs of others. In relationships, we initiate the hard conversations. At home, we shoulder the mental load required to keep our households running. At work, we moderate our tone, explaining patiently and speaking softly. In the world, we step gingerly to keep ourselves safe. We do this largely invisible, draining work whether we want to or not—and we never clock out. No wonder women everywhere are overtaxed, exhausted, and simply fed up."

This is taken from the book's summary on Goodreads and is a good setup for what the book is about. The author wrote an article several years ago that went viral, in part because of the overwhelming amount of responses to it from other women who were feeling the same way about the emotional labor they shoulder. Gemma Hartley begins the book with a story from her own life to illustrate an example of what she called emotional labor. From there, she examines the cultural messages women receive and how women tend to fall into a pattern of performing emotional labor both at work and at home, and how this limits their opportunities and adversely affects their quality of life.

I had placed a hold on this book, although when I picked it up, I couldn't remember why. Then, I remembered the original article.  I had been curious about this book and it did make for an interesting read, although I don't strongly identify with the author and some of the situations she writes about. However, there were a number of things that I read that I found made me nod my head, especially about how women spend a lot of time analyzing how to communicate, how to find the right tone, the right way to say things, anticipating the reactions of others (especially men) and how to modulate themselves.  And, above all else, to make all of this appear smooth and effortless, much like a duck swimming on a pond (smooth on top, paddling furiously beneath the water).  I also found I was frequently reading the book and appreciating my own husband (and making sure I tell him this).

I feel like this is a book a lot of women would benefit from by reading, if nothing else than to see that they might not be alone in their frustration and also to give a name to their frustration.  I have a cousin who has complained about her husband for years, especially since their daughter was born; I might send her a note and suggest she check this book out from her library.