Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone

Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone by Eric Klinenberg            Audio Book: 8 hours, 30 mins      Hardback Book:  288 pages        

Sociologist, Eric Kleinberg has written an enlightening book on how single people living alone have become an increasingly larger segment of society with lots of voting power and buying power.   Whereas even 20 years ago there was stigma assigned to people who lived alone by choice or by circumstance, women were old maids and men, bachelors.    Often considered eccentric because who would want to live alone?   But, that has all changed.    Mr. Kleinenberg has the statistics on singles and he is flaunting it!    It seems that regardless the age group, people are choosing to live on their own in rapidly rising numbes.    Before, it was thought two could live better lives than one person struggling alone.    Two incomes equaled better living, better house, better neighborhood, more toys to accumulate, but, with the turn of the century people began to appreciate how maybe they had to cut back here and there but maybe being your own boss in your own home had a lot going for it, too.    Kleinenberg interviews millennials to octogenarians regardless the age or the income, they all liked being in their own space and while they maintained social lives and hookups they don’t feel the need to marry or have a roommate.    Living the life they want without the hassle of having to answer to or consider anyone else’s thoughts, needs or wants is liberating!    Working folks he interviewed liked being able to come home to solitude.    They could kick off their shoes grab something to eat and watch t.v. all night if they wanted to.    Millenials while liking to be social on their terms enjoyed the freedom of being able to have drinks with friends after work without worrying about a spouse,  and enjoying meeting new people going on trips at the drop of a hat if they chose and getting up to run errands in the middle of the night if they wanted to.    Older people preferred the joy of living in their own home rather than with their kids or as the author says, worse – having to live in a nursing home!   He spoke with people who have been with a partner but were on their own after divorce, death or moving on themselves because of lack of commonality.  While sometimes they all admitted to being lonely on occasion the major percentage was always able to find something to do or someone to call and young or old, all felt connected with people via social media.    Several widows found hooking up via dating sites fun.    If you don’t find a mutual attraction don’t go out with that person anymore, find another.    All were very upbeat about going solo and almost none of the people he interviewed wanted to live with anyone else nor have anyone move in with them again, except for a few elderly bachelors who thought they might like to have someone to take care of them like their spouse did before they died.   One elderly bachelor missed the regular sex that having a spouse guaranteed but the author was quick to note he was the only interviewee who mentioned that.   Some of the elderly didn’t hear from family or were the only one left in their families as siblings had passed and they were estranged from their children for a myriad of reasons.     These solos found comfort and friendship in neighbors, senior centers, church,  visiting nurses, social workers, even delivery people they got to know.   Very few were without resources to some social interaction and those that were due to infirmity still had connection with pets, visiting health care professionals, and predominantly the internet.    None felt isolated or completely alone.    All felt they could reach out if they really wanted to.    Some were tired of constant interaction and found peace and a haven in their home environments.   Klinenberg points out that marketing and politicians need to reconsider this burgeoning group that continues to add to its number and who has a voice in the communities around the world.    It is not just the United States that finds solos dramatically increasing in numbers every year.   He polled 17 other countries and found this is a world-wide trend regardless if it is an affluent nation or not.    Sweden has the greatest number of singles living in solo abodes followed close by Norway and Japan.    The U.S. isn’t number one in single family dwellings and statistics, yet, but, the numbers are rapidly increasing as more people find the separation of their work life, their social life and their private lives more enjoyable.    When one has a family spontaneity is not as easy as when you are living solo and your bestie says let’s go to the beach and you grab your stuff on the fly and go.    When you have a spouse and children plans have to be made more so for every detail.    Solos brag about travelling light.    The downside of solo living some of the folks interviewed who are still in the workforce say they get the shaft on their jobs, because of course all the mothers want to take the holidays off and when their kids are out of school –so the single folks, the widowed, the divorced, the childless are expected to give up their holidays to allow the parents to be with their kids.   Or to be on-call if their job requires it because they are single and the parents on the job have to consider finding babysitters or just unable to come in due to childhood diseases, sickness, school functions, etc.   One woman voiced her opinion of how unfair it was that she was the one always called on when someone else didn’t show up for work- she had to go in.   She further voiced frustration at the fact that while these parents were missing work and she was covering for them and doing all these extra hours when it came raise time – the parents got the raises and she didn’t because she wore nice clothes and accessories so the corporation felt she didn’t need the raise like the folks with kids did.   It go to the point she quit.     Solos have come into their own.   No longer is it considered there must be something wrong with someone if they live alone.   Today it is a mark of pride and success that one can afford to make it on their own.   And a blissful sense of serenity to know they can go home and eat the ice cream right out of the carton if they want, stay up all night if they want and find somebody to chat about anything in the world with –if they want.   While not everyone is doing utterly fabulous due to limited funds and lots of expenses, the mental esteem knowing you may not control much but you are queen or king of your solo household has a lot going for it.   Good book!